I’ve been thinking about an experience I had today. I was on Facebook and a guy popped up to ask me out on a date. I didn’t really know him. So we chatted for a few minutes and I learned that he wasn’t really my type of guy at all. Nice guy…but not really where I am headed. And that was just fine. No judgement here.

Maybe it was the frankness of my telling him that I respected his choices in life, but he was a little miffed. Miffed that he didn’t measure up to my expectations. Miffed that “every” woman on Facebook wouldn’t accept him. Miffed that he thought people had been spreading rumors about him. He came to the conversation with pre-conceived notions and a huge chip on his shoulders. You would think at my age…we would have gotten past those sophomoric preconceptions about being “good enough” for someone. Or…well, most of that.

I know as LDS Singles we come to the party with some insecurities and some pretty big expectations about what we are hoping for….what we are willing to accept…and what we think we have to offer. But this conversation was a whole “ah-hah” experience in revealing someone who was entirely well-defended about how wrongly the world was seeing him. Was he looking for a pity date? Was he hoping I would step in and say, “Gee, not all Mormon women are as you imagined.” I actually felt a moment of sadness for him. I felt compassion. And I felt disinterest. I’m over that whole “I can fix him” or worse yet the “I can inspire him” model of relationships. The necessities and realities of life are requiring a much more efficient selection and acceptance process.

I’m choosing with caution. I’m planning my future with purpose…and hopefully that will include a great companion someday. I am walking full steam ahead with faith because the careful crafting of my own internal focus is fine-tuning my own work in progress and that’s what I take back to God someday. The hope is that it will be standing next to someone someday who has taken care and responsibility for their own creation in a similarly invested way.